I Push Buttons

Whether I'm coding, writing, playing games, or pissing people off, it all boils down to pushing buttons.

October 26, 2010

Living The Cruise Life At Home

On Sunday, we got back from a most awesome cruise vacation. I wish all of you could take a trip like that. Unfortunately, that is not possible. In an effort to help as many of you experience "Cruise Life" as possible, I have put together the following tips:

1) Living on the ocean. Buy a houseboat and live on it. If this is not an option, move near water. In a pinch, flood your neighborhood by strategically destroying a dam or redirecting a major waterway.

2) Daily restaurant style meal service. Hire a chef to cook your food and a waitress to bring it to your table. Alternatively, get a talented mail-order bride and use the green card as leverage for this service. If you are currently married, this item should already be covered.

3) Waking up in a new city each day. This can be accomplished in a couple ways. If you're a sleep walker, it's just a small step to sleep driving. I suggest going to sleep with your keys in your hand to help you get started. You will still drive better than 90% of the people on the roads, so you don't have to worry about being pulled over. You can also stay up really late, catch the earliest red-eye, and sleep on the plane. You will wake up in a new city when the plane lands.

4) Bill shock. Use your credit card like you would a sea pass. Make all purchases with it; do not accept any receipts. Freak out when your final bill is delivered to you at the end of the month. Note: Some of you may not notice a difference between this and your typical financial practices.

Following these tips will help you enjoy some of what we were able to live at sea in the past week. If all goes well, you will be able to savor part of a fantastic cruise vacation in the privacy of your own home. Happy sailing!