I Push Buttons

Whether I'm coding, writing, playing games, or pissing people off, it all boils down to pushing buttons.

August 18, 2008

Weekend Of Interest

Oh great What-if Machine, bless us with thy vision and grant us wisdom. What if we spent an entire weekend celebrating Courtney's birthday?



TO DO: insert shimmery special effects


Apparently what would happen is that Courtney would go to her Saturday volunteering, as usual, and then we would pack up the gym bag and head down to Carly and Eric's for some afternoon tennis. We would play for a little over an hour and try to figure out how the hell doubles tennis is actually supposed to work. We wouldn't really care, and we'd have fun anyway. Amazingly, we would not get sunburned.

After tennis, we'd go back to Carly and Eric's to shower and change to grab a quick dinner and head to the Maroon 5/Counting Crows concert, the tickets for which I would have scored for $6 each through a deal at my company. We would end up getting dinner at a local McDonald's and try to find fish jam on the menu. Unfortunately, there would be no fish jam to be had.

After dinner we would follow Courtney's GPS to Nissan Pavilion. The GPS would give us directions which would cross a train track that would be occupied by a train. We would then follow the signs we should have followed in the first place to Nissan Pavilion. We would play many hands of rummy while listening to Sarah Bareilles' opening act, which would be good, but not phenomenal. We would then rock out to Maroon 5, because they are awesome.

We would then be utterly disappointed by the Counting Crows. Adam Duritz would show up either baked out of his mind or doing a grand impression of someone who is. Adam Duritz would forget what song he was singing at least twice. Adam Duritz would forget which city he was in. (Note to Adam: For future reference, a clear lack of skyscrapers suggests you are not in New York City.) The set list for the Counting Crows would be made up almost entirely of songs no one wants to hear. The few songs that would be played which people would want to hear would be utterly destroyed beyond recognition, including Rain King and Mr Jones. The Counting Crows would adequately perform Accidentally In Love and Hangin' Around, but it would be too late. Adam Duritz would also wax philosophical about a magazine cover that he saw himself on, and everyone else would wonder where exactly he gets such great weed.

In addition, we would be surrounded by the only smokers in the whole venue. Stupid assholes would show up about 3/4 of the way through the concert absolutely wasted. One of said assholes would whip it out and pee all over the lawn near everyone. I, being luckily placed behind said asshole, would avoid going to jail for assault and battery.

The next day Courtney and I would go to Baltimore to see the Body Worlds exhibit. We would get ripped off and have to pay $16 for parking. We would be astounded and amazed at the intricacies of the human body. My favorite display would be the exploded man, which is not exactly what it sounds like but kind of is. We would then head back home and eat a birthday dinner at Ruby Tuesdays. I would have awesome ribs and shrimp, and Courtney would have an amazing steak and crabcake. Then we would go home, be exhausted, and get ready for bed. Courtney would play her new crossword game, and I would finish V for Vendetta before falling asleep.

TO DO: Insert dramatic closing music and credits.


You read it! You can't unread it! Stay tuned for more...

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